Conspiracy Theory or Reality
Why does the #1 ranking, plastered on the front of the Berea College website trouble me?
• It shouldn’t surprise anyone that Berea is the best in these areas that were measured. What surprises me is that these were the areas chosen for examination. The first time I read the Washington Monthly article, I got the usual reaction of pride when someone flatters me or what I do. But when I began to examine the document, I grew suspicious that the statistics were catered for our school.
• The ranking places the kind of attention on the school that attracts unsubstantiated competition.
• If the school is really the best kept secret, why not keep hushed about it?
• PS I know this is a controversial subject. If you disagree, how about you post me a comment.
Why am I so steady, at least not depressed like the start of the week, today? A couple people said it is because I am eating healthier foods, but they certainly are wrong on that. I will keep quiet on the details on that one.
I was weighed down for too long and now the burden seems to be lifted. I have been going to bed early as a lark and rising with the sun.
I simply cannot pinpoint the switch of mood. To say I am glad for it is redundant.
(I wrote this many years ago.)
Hiking's always been great in Steele's Creek with the snow on the ground even when it's melted on the roads. The lake is iced over. We broke off sheets and threw them on the lake. The ice would break in pieces and we'd see whose got the furthest.
On the Slagel Holler ridge, I'd get ahead on intention. Tried to ditch them behind. I had thrown my ice the furthest. They'd talk, and I'd say, "You think I came out here to hear you talk?"
When you throw the ice out it is whole. And then it breaks up in pieces; some of um get further then others. And mine got the furthest. And I was ahead too. Imagine it. The hills were all white so the darks stood out. One tree streched across the path ten feet up above my head. It was covered with snow and beautiful.
I'm all for exploring, so I took the wrong turn up top where the electrical towers are. But I might have should not, thought me and Frost, for one because they'd have to tell me "This ain't the way." But "this ain't the way" or not, they'd lag along like lapdogs to the end of this Earth.
I was only following a few footprints now. They follered more I guess. I wondered where it'd take me cause I'd never been before. I came to another tower and got burs on myself, looking up and thinking about clipping the wires like hair. Sooner or later the world'll need a hair cut. Sometimes you just need to hack it off.
I was coming onto somebody's property, so I'd have to turn around. I did and I past them. They broke into my thoughts a bit. "Leeches." I said, picking up my pace to beat them on the way back.
It is said that if we charge forward in the height of our thought, on a day that we seem to be dragging our thought bubble with us, we can sneak up on wild animals without startling them a bit. This is what happened with me today and the rain soaked squirrel. When I noticed the little creature standing there, a foot from my soul, I was drawn into his reality, and practically pulled into his determined little line of thought that went something like as follows. “I am going to munch this nut. Nothing is going to stop me from taking my time eating this acorn. Num, num, num."
For Felicia
I like water.
So quiet.
Mom made my day (literally and figuratively). Plus she baked a cake and sent it in the mail. The joys of being in a family with Amish Tendencies - so tasty. Mom also wrote some critique of my writing a couple days ago that touched me deeply.
She said this...
hi back--I absolutely love your squirrel!! (btw, we're "doing" squirrels at Steele Creek this Wed!) I love the "num,num, num", and the squirrel's keeping on with its life! And I love your using "soul" (instead of "sole"--of your shoe?) I love that maybe the best...
So-o good you and Felicia write to each other:) I think your poem is Friends Journal style, too.
The parable is sort of complicated, as maybe all parables are (Jesus' ones actually appear more as take-offs to sermons,since that's how I've experienced them, like "The Parable of the Sower" who dropped his seed on dry land, where it didn't grow, etc) There probably are other parables that I don't know about...maybe Felicia does, tho.
I love how the you in this piece suddenly confront that squirrel...that is supposed, also, to be how "God" is there, smack dab in the flow of our intent lives. So, this piece of yours, alongside your eagle one, seems pretty "spiritual" to me.
Did this really happen? These two pieces of yours only prove to me that being alone, to experience these things, is so right.
Daddy was on target too. Our own email conversation when like this:
Happy birthday, Maggie. I remember vividly the day you were born.
Thanks Mom and Daddy for making this possible! 
I think everyone should have the gift of free therapy as I do when I am in school here. When I go to therapy, it sometimes is a lot like the "next step planning and goal setting" that T, D, L and I used to do with Alisa at the Mountain.
I have been asked what I want for my next step many times, and I have said many things. "I cannot see envision myself after graduating," is a common response, as if I will suddenly be so different. Other responses have ranged from thinking big and out of my comfort zone, like working abroad, to taking a step back to see what occurs to me (like moving back in with Mom).
In therapy yesterday, I found myself saying things that finally felt possible and comfortable. I think going back to Bristol and Mom would be a step in the wrong direction for me. When I graduate, that will be a big turning point in my life. It will be a great time to make a new beginning not going back to the place where I grew up for so many years.
"All I really want is a room of my own that is separate from other people," I said, "I have some writing projects that I want to work on. I want to save a hard copy of each of my writings. I don't want a career. It will be good to have a lower level job, like as a tutor or some such job. When I say I want a job not a career, I mean I am recognizing that I have not developed much leadership potential. I can work with one or two people under me, but not a hoard. I like being a lackey, I suppose. I could not teach a whole class and it is good to know that. But it is good to know that I also am very skilled in a lot of areas, not just writing. I have done well in a number of areas, and I could tutor a fifth grader in just about anything... depending on the fifth grader."
But where do I want to live?
I paused thinking I already am in a nice place. Why change? What a good thought. Me in Berea for a while. All of the reasons that have pushed me hither and yon are dissolving from existence. I know people here. I can get an apartment here when I graduate. I can settle down.
If the pharmacy gives you the wrong pills, as in tiny little pills that are not the generic of your meds, but actually the wrong thing. And if the pharmacy integrates those pills in your pill bottle.
What do you do?
More specifically what should I do? I know I plan to take the bottle to the pharmacy tomorrow and raise some cane. What else should I do? Suggestions?
My brother created the "internet." I almost wrote "universe." He invented olduse.net
!!if You Must write, Write for Justice!!
I love my family too much and Oh how it pains me!
Today I loved my family one bowl of toasted oats,
one cup of 2% milk, one cup of Organic black coffee,
PLUS
One ham biscuit, one order of tater tots, and a coke - size regular.
And that only was breakfast.
I loved my family one order of fish and chips
one lone tomato
and one stray banana.
I loved my family that much for lunch.
I love my family corn on the cob and
salt for sterile wounds.
I love my family crunchy farmers market apples
a salad and dressing that does not turn back
but rushes down to the stomach and flabs.
I love my family so much
I am willing to love my family less
so I might loose some weight.
In the marble jar,
by the chinese checkers board.
I love my family...
I love my fanny so, so much.
Elizabeth Vega told me this story while we waited for the convocation to start yesterday. I have hopes that it helps me grow as a person and accomplish my goal of graduating.
It is the story in six parts.
One day a woman walked down an alley and went down a flight of steps and fell in a hole. She got hurt. Fortunately some good people found her and helped her get out. The next day the woman walked down the alley and went down a flight of steps and fell in a hole. She got hurt. Again the people found her and helped her get out. The third day the woman walked down the alley and went down the steps and she jumped into the hole. She got hurt. Again the people found her and helped her get out. The next day the woman walked down the alley and went down the steps and she saw the hole and she went around the hole and was ok. Somehow that was six parts when Vega said it!
I also was talking to my Algebra teacher who emphasized that my repeated mistakes are just like a person with diabetes who has low blood sugar again and again. Blame is not worth directing.
Last night I was so worried because I was so aware of how my actions can be a pain in the butt for others. People keep helping me when I am hurt. Wonderful, faithful people who believe in me. They either have hope that I will someday learn from my mistakes or they do not view my behavior as mistakes and they love me for other reasons.
It is good to have support.