I think everyone should have the gift of free therapy as I do when I am in school here. When I go to therapy, it sometimes is a lot like the "next step planning and goal setting" that T, D, L and I used to do with Alisa at the Mountain.

I have been asked what I want for my next step many times, and I have said many things. "I cannot see envision myself after graduating," is a common response, as if I will suddenly be so different. Other responses have ranged from thinking big and out of my comfort zone, like working abroad, to taking a step back to see what occurs to me (like moving back in with Mom).

In therapy yesterday, I found myself saying things that finally felt possible and comfortable. I think going back to Bristol and Mom would be a step in the wrong direction for me. When I graduate, that will be a big turning point in my life. It will be a great time to make a new beginning not going back to the place where I grew up for so many years.

"All I really want is a room of my own that is separate from other people," I said, "I have some writing projects that I want to work on. I want to save a hard copy of each of my writings. I don't want a career. It will be good to have a lower level job, like as a tutor or some such job. When I say I want a job not a career, I mean I am recognizing that I have not developed much leadership potential. I can work with one or two people under me, but not a hoard. I like being a lackey, I suppose. I could not teach a whole class and it is good to know that. But it is good to know that I also am very skilled in a lot of areas, not just writing. I have done well in a number of areas, and I could tutor a fifth grader in just about anything... depending on the fifth grader."

But where do I want to live?

I paused thinking I already am in a nice place. Why change? What a good thought. Me in Berea for a while. All of the reasons that have pushed me hither and yon are dissolving from existence. I know people here. I can get an apartment here when I graduate. I can settle down.